(formerly: "to speak of event, first a ground") shall have a try-to-speak here and in fluid continuaouties with all that presents as current and lived throng, spark and thorn, give me two day's hours?
furthermore, (after more like a week's worth of hours) a moon/gluonic//
(now: "occurrences three one of each: marvel; frightful; goodly") + events as I observed //while engaged in performanc of washing machine machinery that is outside on what is termed "veranda" or "balcony" depending on whom you confer with / /
it made no sound but illusory I filled in for it some timid "shee~~" and solemn silent flare-out burn-up/ the conjunction of good timing between my and the meteor//stray fragment last moments in accord with facts //
-- facts of: approx 9:20pm of a 28th february tokyo south-facing, the moon directly south, the burning-up anomaly beneath the moon trajectory level i.e., horizontal, from left(east) to right(left)( edit note --i meant west!)(and this rest went wrong and I lack the understanding of what went wrong nor how to put it right, I'm sorry!) -- a allow & as at backdrop beneath circumstances disintegrating have in it just look made may mean measurer moon much night not now of past see sky small so somewhat speak terms the tinge to west withyellow-green !--i (edit note: something went wrong here, I fail to understand just what)
"fright--" day-dreamt (I mean I was asleep, the sun was risen) night-terror level with sleep-paralysis accompaniment (level as at nighttime) (usually once sun is risen it is far more bearable):: twin-peaks derived, a missing missing girl/woman, that she was missing all through the tv series etc, that this was missed,, she who by all accounts (there are none) did does not exist
may come to exist
. . . in a healed household // but knowing there shan't be one, it is impossible once the damage is done / once home that is intended as the expansion of the original safe place is rendered unsafe, everything is an outside coming at you, relentless attack //
this is unreasonable as existence goes/
"good--" goodly -- during urination in a public toilet among a park near a station noted a crumpled self-cuddling curdled life-form like a bobby-johns on the shelf above said urinal. Dead Ithought but poked it. Maybe I transferred lifeforce into it at that moment/ Therefore am responsible for its well-being/ it gained quickly life. It had only been a curdled huddle of spider form, nevertheless it was soon walking elegantly on my cooped cradle hands/ none of this is very interesting, but, I'm very fond of the bobby-johns species of jumping spider and this was a similar type but with more refined elongated front legs (perhaps because it does not live mainly through its generations ancestry in human quarters) but the somewhat outdoor, drafty, urinal, in the park where once saw a snake on a tree slowly stretching// and on a sheltered curled plant-life tree-of-sorts branch, it idly stalked to safety (I like to presume there was safety there, and there-abouts the spider continues to thrive)
& at home a spider if present tends to reolve its day's moves by settling high in the wall above where I constantly am, because it knows I like it/them --spiders-- and must be somewhat glad to settle, as I said, in this intangible resonance, I am offering it, at-home feeling. More at-home, I note, than I!
used to doubt my coat, and now the weather is turned, and become un-coatable more or less, I feel renewed useless fondness for said coat, and regret my doubting of it. Perhaps I should name it? that tends to make things better, more nonchalent-seeming, among the battery of trouble that is night and (mainly) day
I went through this blog's past to try and find image of the coat, it was hung and facing another coat, there was something of a confrontation in the image. I couldn't find it.
Going through the blog's past I am become sad I am not in contact with the friendly people, now and then they would show up, I had a few friends for a time. That was long ago. Nowadays people barely speak, and I lost the will to prompt, poke etc, them, and I thought, without the will, anyway, it shan't matter. Also, I don't want to cause trouble. But I become sad. I must have done something wrong, repeatedly. It takes so many years to consider that this is the case. No certainties, of course. I shall only suspect of myself my wrong+bad-ness.
As for the writing "business", I am not in a good form, everything done so far doesn't amount to much, and I am very slow, and other than the praiseworthy birkensnake peoples, all editorial experiences have been very slow, and very un-forthcoming, to the extent that I worry I am not a ghost most of the time, and all the connections I thought I'd made are only little daydreams, and therefore, as I was born in "birkenhead", it makes sense that "birkensnake" were the best experience, as in the daydream in which I believed the most, having been born in its surroundings, maybe it is a garden I was born as a ghost in
and in all otherwise, I don't have what it takes
I am a very shan't /personage/ of Oh-feeble character/ of flee-mind/ overly can't/
if you put like: /2008/ after the html thingy of this blog then you get to see the past, it is quite simple really/ plus the month/
it is not a requirement, merely a suggestion/
I like this distillation of the memories and their movement in Beckett's "Company". Distilled by the book "After Beckett" from the google books -- [-pg 56-]
. . . the hand of the mother that is abruptly taken off and,in reaction, the body of the child falling from the huge pine tree (cutting and fusing skin and body); the nightmare of the total decomposition of what you care for too intensely, what you die for (the scene of the hedgehog); and finally a kind of nirvana, Thalassa in all its seductiveness, when among the waves the father calls from below.
Reminded of something earlier, about the bardo, here
>WHITE, RED AND BLACK
By this time, the dying person has stopped communicating with the external world. He no longer sees form, hears sound, smells odors, tastes flavors or feels anything. There is no awareness of the objects of sense.
At this time, the white and red elements begin to vibrate toward disintegration. The inner experience of this phase is associated with three visions: a white vision, a red vision and a black vision.
The white and red elements, which we received from our parents in the form of sperm and egg, are known as the root elements of the body. The white essence, which we got from our father, pervades the body, but mainly resides within the crown chakra. The red essence, received from our mother, is also found throughout the body, but is concentrated in a place about four finger-widths below the navel chakra. As these two elements drift toward disorder, the white element is affected first.A few seconds, or perhaps a minute after the descent of the white element, the downward winds begin to shake and dislocate the red element from its residence four finger widths below the navel chakra.
When the white element, contributed by the father, begins to drip from the crown to the heart, all anger is dissolved. When the redness comes up from below the navel and merges with the heart, attachment comes to an end. The thirty-three emotions associated with anger are stopped, and the forty emotions related to attachment cease.
a asmall mattrr to not sp be athwart with the jargon and make a commom headed attituduinal attitude to all thee and someone will thank me one far daya further- more a
again speaking of sisters, there's again a place for them, this time on Mars, that's a planet somewhat nearish relatively speaking of planets in general (some planets are far farther, and in any case all require a, fair-to-arduous amount of, Long Distance Travel, along routes mostly as-yet untaken, un-pioneered) . . .
they (sisters) are holes in the planet surface -- possible habitat-spot (temporary I suppose) as posited by um, nasa, for future (though it is looking unlikely?) pioneering explorative mars-bound peoples
the holes "informally named": Dena, Chloë, Wendy, Annie, Abbey, Nikki and Jeanne
I had written those names down long ago and then forgotten what they were then, another then, used them for seven women in a trouble in which they were gathered, I'm sorry to have put them in that position, went something like, at the very end, of 4th little book(likely forever unavailable) (but consider please I shall be making adjustments):
We have been very careful, are go betweens, still moving forward in to the froth rooms. We see moving ceilings; here is, Dena thinks, another world, its floor impinging. And certainly there are motion floors about, and things that become floors, “avalanche-specific” as Chloe has it, rigged heights that swell open and down, a cascade table, in a dining room, settings not yet divided, and placemats in constant motion – this report was signed as passed back by each relay member: Dena, Chloe, Annie (she wrote Chloe's last words: “room in blank state, this is where, remainder of packing packed, where does the fun come in”), Abby (who saw Annie slipped away in a blend of wall corridor wall floor door, wrote by her name: “there was a competitive surface”), Wendy (who wrote of Abby: “she said, there had been a wall being taken, and then, it was not a wall, it was a wall but a whispy thing also, free roaming dining table, uncutlerised, sight of legs in rooms or something, empty rooms, no, walls, suggests group of peoples, take care of them, Wendy, here they come!”) and Wendy added, because she returned safe after all, after going so far: “perhaps there's a constant limit, prior to any travel, constituting a background level of difficulty like a forever unready floor, so it is best to take care of those already around in the place definitely there, I promise to take care of Nikki and Jeanne, I won't let them come here”: Nikki reported a hug from Wendy, Jeanne was there too, she reported a hug, it was a hug of the two of them by the third party, made upon their return, with their notes and buckets and string.
meanwhile, don't neglect, the pleiades
speaking of sisters, there's a place, among old -- & jovial, reproach-full; tepid abashed & demurely cold -- old London, where there's "Seven Sisters"that is named after a patch-grove of trees, and perhaps it's the case that the name lasts and the trees don't, because there's little care taken to maintain the roots of things, or maybe it's the case that war events, or otherwise accidental conflagration, deleted the trees.
I lived in London, when twoish, above a shop that was probably like a "corner shop" and later (when not two) while a failing student, trajectory of which I have continued along, although not in London.
Am in decline but, have been formulating "sister complex" which I am entitled to do with no shame, recrimination &c, having the most minimum of actual sisters, i.e., none . . . I have not the slightest sister, and this is making me sad.
Labels: "conversation posts"
mingle in wake un-mento-health un (so's the bodyily too health speaking the distinct between ebb, dissolve) so's thought make attempt at p o s i t i v e thought but in hindsight i.e., "most favourite thing from within previous week + some days and that shall do the work of some mento health work and be sure tune in on same time next week some hour nor other and hope continue for all proceeding
so therefore, welcome to a continuing series! strap to seats! best thing remembered from now it's become a week plus one half a week, because of hesitancies, but that's OK, that way things go
best thing remembered from now it's become a week plus one half
it's from the previous but one episode of tv series the americans when the character man named "philip" or "phillip" gets out of the car driven by his wife woman called "elizabeth" also known as "felicity" -- he doesn't get out of the car in normal manner, he has to be evasive in his disembark. He has to have not been in the car. A reality adjustment.
Does not jump from the car. We don't see the door open I think, but later after the driver his wife purports to perform some turning manouvure as cover, he is flat on his face on the ground of little car park, he has slid out of car like a letter posted. Very good work overall.
that is best thing most favoured from now a period accommodating two weeks, do feel capable of tuning in for next installment, in which, when, some other period, and thing favoured within, for sure I'm sure, and thankyou.
I experienced pleasure, mental pleasure, in the discoverment that I am or it is that I am named after with proud resonance the "pendleton fault" which is located among "manchester" ground and capable of a 6 magnitude which is not that bad, though not quite fatal enough for my liking nor temperament. But consider the wimpy brick. Inflexible.
Think I'll activate my owner-user privileges soon.
"In 2007 a swarm of six earthquakes felt across the region was attributed to the fault" -- that will have been my departing the england to the japan
fear my return // intercede if you may
NOTE: there are other pendletons abroad in the world. Some of them are quite evil. They have forfeited any right to power over fault. i.e., the fallen headmaster with the same damned name as I/LINK～to the abhorrent un-gentleman/ May we be clear is not me/ I have been worrying about this for a while now //why couldn't he be named michael or something __ at least I am not yet his age, though I will be, it's what happens, age mounts secondaryLINK～～// (I had a birthday just yesterday, I became half of 71)/ as a means of encouraging good behaviour useful to be aware that your name is highly unlikely to be unique// being named is a sharing// let us, may we, act with a reasonable dignity attuned to such consequences/ (problem with having names/having been named/ unwillingly / and that unwillingly we may mingle .
lucky for me it is not me -- it would be luckier for him were he me? But I would rather not have it so.
I think I would find it preferable another me was a suicide bomber rather than a voyeuristic headmaster/ always been quite partial to the suicide bomber/ a headmaster at a suicide bomber college. A team of extra-strict prefects. ISIS-qualified! an "ma" in ISIS-studies opens a lot of doors.
pendletons I have known//there's an uncle D, an uncle G, for example, in fact, one ("G") I have not known since being born or nearabouts, and I was not at my best, shortly after being born, in terms of memory-formation, for example, and the basics of interaction, and even movement, really it is not the best time to be getting to know someone . . . this then "G" was a navigator for the "raf", particularly navigator for the dr.strangelove perpetually on shiftwork flight somewhere close to russian airspace, for the purpose of launching nuclear strikes, should the situation so entail mutually assured(don't be so sure) destruction. What times we have lived in.
Similar to brotherly brother duo in the deLillo big book "underworld"this -- uncle "D" worked at a nuclear power plant, and it was after the chernobyl incident that perhaps thinks went awry -- and as for "G" the responsibility of his occupation weighed over-heavy, and the horror of the logic, perhaps -- and they both had somewhat "breakdowns" -- an indication of good character, in my opinion -- and when one "breaks", "down" in the face of the systemetassized chaos-logic over-determined power of the nuclear industry in both weaponised and energy-producing forms, one has managed quite well, I think, yet know well "managed quite well" offers no actual from now on all-is-well circumstance, I am sorry to inform you we are in non-benevolent grounds and no escape, no recourse to elsewhere.
anyway, you've two chords to be getting on with
other pendleton factions: a defunct english icecream company / a culturally appropriative(?) shirt manufacturer of america // an american military base/ the witches of pendle hill that is where my heart lies and my bones cool with their barrow breath / and the pendlewitches ale that now and then you would find available as "guest ale" in various pubs of liverpool where I mainly lived with some consistency until here where I am with almost the same length time of consistency though I shan't calculate it right now I am not in the mood.
interpose overlay "it was the fault / of the pendleton" on following the Fall recording "dog is life/Jeruselam" -- snarl anti-dog poem segue to "jerusalem" "cover" plus "walking down the street" overlay/intervention : : imposition!
in process of proof reading of proof for long due thingy I was assisted ably by manifesting idols, aidoru/ plural, not “idoru” as W. Gibson had it, the last book of his I read, when almost it came out, hardcover from birken-
snake-head library, down the street of my mother's parents “raffles road” – the 3,3,3, abc abc, narrative structure over and over , forever, annoys me.
My wife wrote encouraging note on sticky “memo-note” to stick to my notes made for purpose of proofread of the proof and the “memo-note” contains image “encouraging image” of her my wife's workplace aidoru/idol that is actually the truth of the matter, in fact now they have two idols, one I suppose more senior than the other/LINK～to that/ subsidaryLINK～to record of workplace "snack thursdays"
and in any case I need all the encouragment available to me, and some encouragment unavailable to me maybe I can grab it when where I can, in a frenzy, I suppose, but I didn't need to grab anything, instead I was granted a little note on “memo-note” on my notes, as I have noted in the textual array above, and things went well and the proofread of proof was completed and my notes of such arranged in a hopefully reaonsablly straightforward email wrapped in homely web electronics and sent on the way of discourse into nether webdark+light ping ping editorial centres//
that library by the way, was very good, it's building had hidden strange elements, which is what you want from a building, and there was first of all the children's library, and it had a separate side entrance, and where I read all I could, whenever we were staying with the grandparents, just down the road, along the terraced street, I think I read every doctor who book they had, for example, and then when alloweed acces to the adult's library, how big it all seemed, and rounded, it was rounded in structure I think, as in interior of a dome/ and the little computers for searching for books, black screen green text, and inter-library support, and one could order a book from a nearby wirral library, to be delivered to birkenhead library for you to pick up, I read the lovecraft biography in this manner, didn't I, L.Sprague de Camp?