grimoire: things seen.noted during sleep paralysis/night&day+night terror *

In order of occurrence:

I was ill when 19/20, this is when night terror began, as distinct from infant period fever dream nightmare stuff. (that is supposed to be some fragmented memory of your last bardo -- gee I am surprised I reincarnated as human then, or maybe I was a very bad daemon before, oh well)(or, bardo when remembered as incarnate thing in samsara has horror in any case)

But Sleep Paralysis 1st//___ ill, prone in bed many days nights unmoving.Drifting in and out if robust dreams containing ultra-theories on reality while staring the clouds pass at day. At night something would appear at the door way (shadow person), then approach. Usually I would scream though not know it and my mother would wake me up (I was living with my mother back then) (1999?) -- progress to weight on body, unable to move or scream &c (the old crone I think it is known as)

Sleep Paralysis 2nd//___ a new stage is reached, involving bodily pain. Head(in dream) out virtual (dreamt) car window every mailbox as shown in american films of a certain era (70s?) (these things are not in england where I was). interminably this went on, my head being hit at velocity. I have no explanation for this, and only one time occurrence. No actual head injury paralysis-sleept-dreamt nor otherwise (this apparent reality outside sleep where my head is) (generally speaking)

3rd//___ the entire world seemed to hinge on me, or I was the hinge, physically speaking, so that everything fell on me, starting with the neighbours back gardens. Crushed. If the world was a book angrily slammed shut I was the bug squashed in the fold. Or maybe I survived.

1/,2/,3/ were most physical experiences. Accompanied by night terror which seems to arise you are paralysed and the world is slamming, bashing, crushing you.


Later, it merely became a sense of fear at night with no detail as such. Some void-like snook-in terror. In the room with you.
This is at night.

When I was 8ish a friend said if he was frightened at night he would imagine witches approaching his bed and pull the blanket completely over his head, as he trusted the blanket to protect him from the witches. This doesn't compute. I would be more fightened, having conjured up some witches in my room. He was made of sterner stuff than me, I guess, Tamim El Ahbed.


I generally sleep with a night light on, despite being 38 now, and there is a wife to lie besides. Naturally a sword lies between us, so we remain chaste. Or am I behind the times?

Night terror, complete.

Moving on, there is a sort of daytime sleep-paralysis terror also. For balance or something??

It is bearable though. Goes something like this:

A lengthy legged spider on walls. Seems to retreat as you watch it.

An unidentifiable lint-full muss slowly moves, though if you measure its trajectory of apparent movement, it never reaches anywhere and is in fact not moving. Yet it moves.

A life-form utterly unknown appears to weave itself amonth itself while near the centre of ceiling above you unmoving head. Like if a living thing wove itself into its being. Dissipates like a shadow.

If head is near some hung clothing, say a cardigan, the sleeves are normal then perfectly circular then normal then transmute to circular normal square right in front of your (we will assume) open eyes.

None of these provoke much terror. The paralysis is there but not the terror. Or I have become used to it. Sometimes the floor seems to vibrate, but that is probably earthquake recollections, or, um, an actual earthquake.


I have not attempted to explain this phenomena.

The spidery shadow things I think have been explained by SCIENCE. Just you wake up and have to re-familiarise yourself with the typical shadows of your bedding zone.


I have reached the end of this grimoire. Please excuse me.


Now as of 11th of 7th month (I think that's July, I'm getting better), the year 2017, I add to the grimoire (it should be called a bestiary or something but never mind):

2 new entities encountered during daytime sleep paralysis with attendant Terror.

They both had complex functions involving discombobulation/disintegration of self, and re-combining, or resolving into something new to be reborn. The beginning-to midway of bardo = (1)
The preparation for exiting (a sort of coaxing was involved) = (2)

Both were feminine roughly in appearance and somehow behaviour, although sometimes acted more like machines. The locale itself was of importance: a mall, or perhaps interior of one of those cruiseships you see on TV, people spend good money to act like a vast pack of basking seals with 30,000+ of their kind. I think that local induces a flabbiness in everyone.

At first abundant with food, entertainment &c, an atmosphere of frivolity, things soon began to run out, fall apart, cease functioning. Also, a dankness grew in the air, perhaps a slightly dark sheen of something almost solid would pass through at regular intervals.

(1)+(2) would intervene at certain points, inducing sleep paralysis in reality, terror in the dream plus terror in the bardo I suppose plus the half-awake terror of (this time) day-terror.

(1) would rebuke any longing for things that were passing away in the mall-like zone. Dead fish eyes.

(2) later offers to coax, as I have said, offering hands out, to come with her, but perhaps it was too soon, & there was still too much terror. . .

-- more maybe later. I may try to visualise them.

That was a populated bardo, which may be odd, but people would go missing suddenly, or end up unmoving, or as part of the surroundings, un-peopled.

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